Anyone who knows me well is aware that I have a serious affinity for Ebay. I like to think of it as a 24 hour a day, 365 day a year flea market. Who needs to count sheep when you can search for "antique pottery sheep lamp" at one in the morning? One of the unexpected byproducts of spending time on the site, however, is how educational--seriously--and entertaining it can be. Where else can you find aging floosies modeling vintage lingerie, vintage beer mugs with bobbling boobies, or page after page of listings for antique chamber pots? As with most discoveries, the most interesting ones usually occur on the search for something entirely unrelated. Today's example is a Chinese seller with an endearingly bizzare grasp on the English language. Offered for sale this week are:
Carve the penknife of the bone of woodgrain
The mysterious candlestick that silver and jade create
Rare of take amber of having the insect uniquely
The beauty is Mongolia good machete (and everyone needs a Mongolia good machete)
A rightness of silver wrap the bracelet of amber (there is never a wrongness of silver)
Your laughter to the idea of coconut doll
Special materials produced precious yellow necklace
The fairy that the strange material carves (This is a buddha; a little portly for a fairy if you ask me)
The jadeite of natural vogue is peaceful to button up
The beauty is good and the farmland white jade card (so is the farmland white? or what?)
The beautiful and good jasper carves flute (as opposed to the ugly and evil jasper?)
The silver wraps the tobacco pouch of rhinoceros Cape
The pot of dragon and coralline creation of printing
Can bring the copper frog of good luck and money (a surefire way to secure an invitation to any gathering)
Despicable dark big wing monster (on the other hand, don't show up with this)
The beautiful and jadeite view sound hangs a piece
The hand chain that the natural jade creates
Made of copper the clock of ancient rudder shape made
The beautiful and good silver wraps jade pipe
The silver wraps the pot that the jade drinks to use
3 layers of jades take the chain that red China knots
Take amber an official seal of having the scorpion rare
The pillow box used in matrimony of sexy pattern (oh how I'd like a real description of this one!)
The perfect snuff pot of ancient China
The silver wraps a natural horse to come to jade ring (no unnatural horses here)
The clock of the ancient birdcage shape of copper (because EVERYTHING in China is ancient)
The bucket of the flower of red enamel
Interestingly, if you take the time to look at each item, they each bear the same description, a generic proclamation of the luck, good fortune, and honor they symbolize, and a message imploring you, "If you love it, please do not missing the good chance to get it! Enjoying your bidding!" Or something like that. If you want to see for yourself, check out the seller grass019, as I seriously doubt anyone could come up with any of the search terms on purpose.
As for me, I'm trying to decide between "The fairy that the strange material carves" and"Can bring the copper frog of good luck and money." After all, they are "vivid and wonderful."
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2 comments:
Snuff pots of ancient china? I sooo need that!
It's honestly kind of like poetry... "your laughter of the coconut doll" beautiful.
I have a growing collection of things from Asia with poorly translated phrases. A good friend of mine at work always brings them back from his trips. I ADORE them!
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